Ongoing Personal Treatment

The Disappointing Therapist  

Baruch and Aviva were still stunned by what they had just heard from the school counselor, but they did not allow themselves to sink into despair, and began to act immediately. The counselor had given them the telephone numbers of a few professionals who would be able to help their son, and they began a lengthy process of checking out each one of the therapists, while searching for other possible ones as well.  

 

They conducted investigations of each and every one of the candidates, checking out their professionalism, reliability, and decency and the degree to which he or she was suitable to treat their son’s particular problem; mainly, they wanted the opinions of people who had been treated by these therapists, in order to hear if the therapy really helped them.  

 

They were willing to invest whatever was necessary in the therapy, but because therapy is an unregulated profession, they did not want to take chances, and wanted to be sure that they and their son would be in the best of hands.  

 

Even after they had finally chosen the “fortunate” therapist, they came to the meeting with him with trepidation, expecting to hear from him a systematic plan and a clear roadmap for the solution to the problem. But the therapist disappointed them by saying: “If you think that I am supposed to solve the problem, then you are very wrong. The solution for the problem is only in your own hands. I will provide my professional opinion and will give you a quantity of homework to do – both with the child and without him, between yourselves. But the improvement depends only on you, on how serious you are, on your cooperation, on your investment, and on your desire to get to the bottom of things.” 

 

The parents were somewhat disappointed, and were considering going to another therapist, but at that moment the phone rang. On the line was the school counselor. They told him about their disappointment from the first meeting, but the counselor laughed and told them: “A therapist is not a magician. A therapist who promises you the moon, easily and quickly – run away from him like from fire. This therapist told you the truth. You can succeed only with such a therapist, and, of course, as he himself told you, it depends only on you…” 

 

The Paradox of the Generation 

The Holy One, Blessed Be He, manages our generation in an amazing way. On the one hand, information is accessible to every person. The networks are full of information regarding any problem. There is no lack of books and advice, advisors, and radio programs etc. etc. We are all wise, we are all intelligent, and we all know everything about everything. And still, in our generation there are so many therapists and personal coaches for every possible aspect of life: personal coaches for nutrition and fitness, personal coaches for coping with life’s crises, personal coaches for real estate and financial investments, and personal coaches for work interviews and professional development; parental coaches and labor coaches, and so many other types of coaches and mentors. 

 

This helplessness of ours in material matters only serves as a parable of our helplessness in spiritual matters. Because in spiritual matters, as well, we are living in a generation that has access to all the holy books with a click or two, and every so often books are published in ever more user-friendly editions; colorful leaflets give us deep messages in an attractive and easy-to-read way – but the big question is: After all this, is our service of Hashem improving? Or are the difficulties and confusion perhaps only increasing? 

 

Unfortunately, the second possibility is evidently the case. It is not the teenagers who are lost and stumbling. Adults of all ages, too, find themselves in all kinds of bad situations, whether submerged in their desires or bad character traits, or suffering problems with their marriages, emotional difficulties, and many other problems that there is no need to list here, because all of you are familiar with life and know what you have been through, or are going through right now – you or someone you are close to.  

 

Knowledge is not a Substitute for an Ongoing Relationship  

Rabbi Nachman provided the cure before the illness and revealed to us a deep basic idea in Judaism which, unfortunately, has been ignored over the generations, especially the most recent ones. In the language of Chazal, it is called “shimush chachamim” (literally: “service of scholars”). Chazal say that there could be a man who knows the entire Torah, both the Written Torah and the Oral Torah, and yet, he is still an outsider when it comes to the true Torah world; he has no real connection to Judaism. How so? Because he did not have an ongoing personal connection with talmidei chachamim – Torah scholars. Without that, his knowledge is worthless.  

 

Shimush chachamim is beyond studying. It is a special connection with a rabbi, with a tzaddik; an ongoing relationship that encompasses practical issues that come up for you and for others. An uncompromising search for the Rav’s opinion; in other words, constant attempts to understand his inner world and his deep Torah conceptions. This is a very long process that can take even forty years, as Chazal say.  

 

Rabbi Nachman words it this way: “The main thing and the basis that everything depends on, is to connect himself to the tzaddik of the generation, and to accept what he says, anything he says… small things and big things. And not to swerve, chas veshalom, from his dictates right or left… and to divest himself from all the wisdoms and set aside his mind as if he has no mind, except for what he will receive from the tzaddik and the rav of the generation. And as long as any part of his own mind remains with him, he is not complete, and is not connected to the tzaddik.” 

 

The Reality of the Generation Explains All 

The big question is – is this the way for each and every person, or only for certain individuals? Are you expected to put aside all your daily affairs and go spend time with the great Torah scholars of the generation? And, in general, who are we supposed to connect with? It doesn’t sound practical.  

 

But then the realities of our times come along and show us that we simply have no choice. Our knowledge is not enough, and we must have an ongoing personal connection, a personalized treatment, as it were. And if one needs treatment, one searches and checks out and investigates and finds a therapist. And if one wants the treatment to be successful, one also must commit oneself, listen to the therapist, and do one’s best to understand him. And yes – one also must work hard.  

 

The point is – is this important enough to us? Do we see our spiritual success as equal in importance to our material success, and do we view spiritual faults and deficiencies the way we view our material faults and deficiencies? If a Jew really cares about his spirituality, and really wants to succeed in his main role in this world and do the Creator’s will fully; if this issue really troubles him and he is bothered by the fact that he has yet to succeed – then he has no questions: whatever he would do for his material needs, so much and more so he will do for his spiritual ones.  

 

An Emuna Coach 

Rabbi Nachman left us a will in which he let us know that it is indeed possible, but it requires strong will and prayer. He writes: “Therefore, one must search and look for a true leader to come close to… Truly, one must search and seek very much such a true leader, and one must beseech Hashem Yitbarach very much, that one should merit being close to a true leader, so that one may achieve complete, true emuna. 

 

Rabbi Nachman also emphasizes that the spiritual therapist gives a person emuna – a deep and real connection with the Creator of the World. And everything depends upon this connection. And what Rabbi Nachman is telling us is that this search and request of ours for a true leader – this already places us on the path towards spiritual success and protects us from many mistakes and deceptions. 

 

But, as in other aspects of life, we do not want to be just on the way; rather, we want to advance and succeed. And success is dependent on attaching oneself to tzaddikim and obeying them and following their advice. It is not enough to just know who the tzaddik is and who the rav is, but one must also search and ask and find him and behave according to his advice, not swerving right or left from it. And therefore, this search never ends. And only by doing all this will we merit true emuna and all its material and spiritual effects: true Torah and true service of Hashem.  

 

In parshat Tzav, we are right before the erection of the Mishkan, in the seven days of miluim, in other words, the days during which Moshe Rabbeinu, who was the true tzaddik of that generation, was demonstrating to Aharon and his sons how to perform the service in the Mishkan. The parshah ends with the words: “And Aharon and his sons did all the things that Hashem commanded in the hand of Moshe.” Rashi, there, explains: “To praise them that they did not swerve from them right and left.” Because the entire spiritual success of the service in the Mishkan and the laying of the Shechinah on the Jewish People depends only on that: on coming close to the true instructor and accepting his instruction unequivocally. May Hashem allow us to achieve such a level!